Missing "Grandpa Mac"

Dad moved to heaven this past March. I haven't written about it...not publicly...

and for some reason, I feel compelled to write now. 

This Father's Day 2019 is my first without my Dad. 

Dad was always hard to buy gifts for...he said he didn't need anything; so one year for Father's Day I gave him a "Letter of the Month" from me to him. He hated talking on the phone and this was a connection that allowed me to share what was going on. I think he really enjoyed that...

he saved every letter.

I expect my four siblings are missing him as much as I am right now.

The shear emotion has taken me by surprise today.

I can only imagine all the emotions Mom is having as she misses her husband of nearly 61 years and the father of her five children on Father's Day.  

Dad served in the Air Force and was stationed in Nebraska soon after he and Mom married in 1958.

I loved to hear him tell stories about his service time...about his last flight shortly before his separation from the Air Force and how he feared it might be his last anything.

I love to see old home movies with him and mom and my two older brothers from that time period.

They made lifetime friends there. They made a home away from home there.

They navigated the ups and downs of life together and
set a beautiful example of two imperfect people making a wonderful life together.

Dad loved Mom and family. He especially loved babies and Pop and I were privileged to give him his first grand baby and to watch a whole new side of Dad. The silly side that could draw giggles from the bellies of our babies. Because Pop and I started young, we also were blessed to see our first baby deliver Dad’s and Mom’s first great-grand baby. Watching my parents with our babies and their babies has been an amazing blessing...to see their excitement with each pregnancy announcement and each birth has filled me with joy unspeakable.

Dad lived a good 83 years and his family is blessed. Blessed to have many years of memories. Blessed with the knowledge that Dad loved us all. Blessed to have been raised by him. Blessed to have camped, flown kites, and fished with him. Blessed by his smile, laugh and sense of humor.

I know that he is flashing his smile now. I don't know if he has that gap in his front teeth or not; but I know heaven will be perfect and we will be given perfect bodies. 

I always thought his smile was perfect so I picture him with the smile I knew most of my life.

We celebrated Dad's and Mom's 60th wedding anniversary in 2018 with a big family reunion and are so glad we did. It was a privilege to celebrate them and an honor to gather together.

My family is only a part of the story of my Dad...collectively, my siblings and siblings-in-love, along with Mom have been grateful to share in his life. We have watched him dance with our new brides, snuggle our new born babies, and teach us now to do life by living it.

Dad, I'm missing you terribly. I suspect I always will.

Happy Heavenly Father's Day.

I love you forever.

Fathers' Day 2015

I realize more and more as time goes on that I am blessed with an incredible Dad.  I was thinking about him and had to get out of bed to write this blog post about him.

I think when you are a kid and your dad is busy making a living, your Mom is the one with you much of the time...meeting your needs, correcting you when you mess up, etc.  But there is something amazing about your dad.  He helps us connect the dots to our heavenly Father.

I remember times when Dad interceded for me with Mom.  Just little things but they spoke his love for me loud and large.  Like when I was nibbling a slice of cheese in a way that was driving Mom crazy and Dad said, "She's just trying to get all the flavor out of it." and the time he took me skiing on a Sunday morning before church when the lake was smooth as glass.  Dad had a way of making life fun...he appreciated kite flying and bicycles, sandboxes and swing sets.  He may have just been helping keep us busy and out of trouble, but his time and efforts spoke love to us.

Dad grew wiser as I grew older and the stakes grew higher.

I was SO grateful he was there and awake the time Mom gave me permission late one night to spend the night at a girlfriend's house when she was actually asleep (I'm serious!  She had her eyes open and told me to be home early to help with Saturday chores.). Dad witnessed it all and saved my skin the next morning when Mom thought I'd run off!

Then, when Pop and I were young and in love and wanted to get married, Dad wisely gave his blessing because he knew in his heart it was going to be okay.  I know that had to be a frightening thing to give the hand of your sixteen year old girl away but he listened to his heart...and spoke love to me.

As our girls were born, Dad would rock them and as they got a little bigger, he's carry them around and play with them and read them stories.  He spoke love to me and to them.

He continues to speak love every time I'm around him.

Thank you, Dad.  I love you too.

Father's Day 2012...My Dad

Six years ago, I signed my Dad up for the “Letter of the Month Club” instead of giving him something that he already has or doesn't really need.  

Sometimes my letters have been mostly pictures…sometimes memories from years ago…sometimes current events…and always with love and gratitude.  I plan to keep writing and hoping that reading these monthly letters blesses him like writing them blesses me.  

This year's Father's Day letter includes an acrostic poem of sorts.

Father’s Day 2012…a tribute to my Dad…

F	F is for fun and funny.  I have such great memories through the years of your sense of humor and what makes you laugh…you have always liked to see other people laugh and to laugh with them.
A	A is for amazing.  I grew up with a Dad who could do anything…truly…you could fix anything we kids broke and take things other people would have thrown away and make them brand new.
T	T is for tenacious, trustworthy, and thoughtful.  You don’t give up on anything or anyone easily. I have always been able to count on you.  Besides being considerate, you are a “thinker”.  You like to ponder things and make sense of situations before acting and I appreciate that about you.
H	H is for honorable, helpful, and handsome.  I have never doubted your integrity, always been able to count on your help, and have always thought you were handsome…I suppose all girls think their dad is handsome but you are…and you smell good too. J
E	E is for exceptional. You have weathered many storms while trying to remain optimistic.  You live with pain every day and manage to see beyond yourself.
R	R is for realistic, and respectful.  You have a way of balancing life’s ups and downs without drama.  You see things for how they are and respect the views of others.

There are so many more words that can be used to describe my Dad, but for this year’s Father’s Day Letter, I will leave it at that.  (I love you, Dad!)  Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday.  He is an incredible man with much to show for his years...a loving and beautiful wife, five children, twelve grandchildren, sixteen great-grandchildren and several more on the way right now.  He and Mom have established a home for themselves and their continually growing family in their small rural Kansas town.  They have tons of extended family and they continue the heritage begun by Dad's parents...they actually live in the home my grandparents lived in and where most of Dad's upbringing happened.

Yesterday, a friend of mine posted a beautiful note on facebook entitled, "My Dad's Face."  While it made me cry, it also made me count my blessings.  The love expressed by her father echoed deep in my soul as I am grateful for those same expressions by my dad.  

Some years ago, I gave Dad a gift of monthly letters for Father's Day; and of course, there is a special one to be written each June on Father's Day and each September for his birthday.

As I wrote his letter this morning, tears trickled down my face and placed a wet pattern of dots on my pink tee shirt.  I was glad I was alone and could write (and cry) with abandon.

I have loved having a monthly opportunity to tell my Dad how much he means to me and I want to share part of what I wrote to him with the readers of the Four Sisters Farm blog...

I am so grateful to have you…so grateful to be able to send you a letter today to say, “Happy Birthday!”…so grateful to have watched your face all these years to see the love and concern you have expressed to your family…so grateful for each smile and wink…so grateful for the contentment in just being alive…so grateful for the times I have seen you surprised and pleased…so grateful for the delight I’ve seen expressed over each pregnancy that has been announced, every baby that has arrived, and all the ornery antics of all the little ones in our family.


I am also grateful that I have seen love and acceptance in your face.  I don’t recall ever seeing rejection…I know I have disappointed you over the years but the main thing I’ve seen expressed has not been disappointment even in my worst moments…it has been concern and love that I’ve seen.  What a blessing!  Because of your expressions, I view God in much the same way that I view you.  I am more secure in God’s love because of your love.  Thank you!


So today, I say "Happy Birthday to you!"  I love you and I love your face!!  I love everything about you and I thank our Heavenly Father for the gift he gave me (and all of us) when He gave you life.

My hope is that today, as a result of reading this blog you will have warm thoughts of your fathers...if they aren't/weren't as gracious as my dad, I pray that you will remember all the good things and let go of the things that are painful as you rest in the love of the Father who loves us all the best. 

The Old Homestead

I am incredibly blessed to have both my mom and my dad still with us...pictured here with Pretty Princess and Romeo. They are in good health and I'm thankful they shared their hardy genetic makeup with their children, grandchildren, great grandkids, etc.

Earlier this month I was blessed to go to my childhood home for a reunion of sorts...only one brother and his wife were missing. Some of the next generation were there as well which added to the blessing. Pretty Princess, Romeo, The Unconventional Doctor's Wife, and The Unconventional Kids were all there!

There are many families who fuss and fight and refuse to be together and I count my blessings regularly! An extra treat was to have a special first cousin and her hubby there as well. Since her dad (my dad's brother) died some years ago, I hope we were able to give her a sense of connection to her Dad’s family while she was with us.

I am so thankful that Dad and Mom partnered to provide their family (and many others) with a stable and loving home. I know that doing so meant sacrifices on their part; but it has blessed so many. As Pop and I work on our “dream” here at Four Sisters Farm, our parents are the model we base many things on. We see the value of a homestead for our family and know that God gave us a home base with our parents in our old home town; and because of that, we had the luxury of moving our family to accomplish many goals and still have a model for our daughters of the value of putting down roots.

Ultimately, our roots are in our relationship with God…without Him there would be no good reason to place a high priority on family. Once again, I count my blessings.

It’s good stuff to have my children and grandchildren play in the same places I played as a child. It is awesome to watch them climb the same old cottonwood tree that their Great Uncle caught on fire with his "tree house fireplace" and their Great Aunt breaking her arm in that very creek bed and about my part in that. It is fun to retell the stories once again.

I loved being able to watch my niece pull out the yard games and play with the kids like we used to do with her and her cousins when we all gathered there.

I thank God for my Dad and Mom and for so many blessings that I lose count. It seems like we all say that we don’t often enough say “I love you.” Or “Thank you.” And I suppose that is true; but I try to make certain that they hear it from me often enough to have it echo in their minds and hearts when they think about me and about my family. I thank them on behalf of my family and our extended family who long for what they have created there with God as their foundation and love as their motivation.