|The Unconventional Kids - September 2012 in a kitchen table hideout at Four Sisters Farm|
We tried to cram in as many things that we love about the farm into a short amount of time...we played basketball, rode the go kart, made a hideout, baked some zucchini/pear bread, made some pie crust cinnamon and sugar crunchies (since they won't be at our annual family fall party), had pancakes (made in shapes, of course) for breakfast, invited cousins out to play, climbed trees, swung on the swings, played with the kittens, and of course, played our own "alphabet game" at bedtime.
We were in constant motion...all feeling the uncertainty of the upheaval in our lives. The stress on the kids showed itself in fussing and fighting and being annoying to one another. I fought my own emotional battles while they were here.
I alternately enjoyed them and wondered what God will do in each of them through the move and time away from family. I met their needs for food, clean clothing, and tended to the usual scratches and scrapes that come with playing at the farm. I love to care for them and listen to them and watch them as they grow. I hugged them close, wanting to make the move go away; while knowing that Doc and DW are doing exactly what God is calling them to do.
I often have delayed reactions to big things in my life...sometimes just minutes...other times hours...and once in a while days. I sometimes employ the "Scarlett O'Hara" principle and tell myself, " I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow. "
Well...it is more than tomorrow and I'm thinking about things...and crying. When I met DW to turn over the kiddos, I hugged her goodbye. I held onto her tightly and told her I love her. As we parted I told her that I had the luxury of going home and curling into a ball but she did not. As it turned out, I didn't have that luxury either - we had forgotten to pack up some important things that the kids had brought with them...the most important being a "Pop Bear" that one of the unconventionals relies on for comfort. I drove back to the farm...crying most of the way...to retrieve things are drive them to the Unconventionals Kansas home. It afforded me another hug for Lou, DW and Doc (the other kids were sound asleep already). I held myself together and drove back to the farm again...and delayed my emotional breakdown until yesterday and today.
Yesterday, Farm Chick told me she wishes she had hugged DW tighter the last time she saw her. I feel her heart in this statement. Farm Chick knows that DW knows she loves her; but it doesn't hurt to remember at a time like this that we need to take advantage of every moment we are given and risk people thinking we are overly emotional. We need to take the time to love and laugh and help and remind our loved ones how important they are to us. We are given no guaranties for more time on this earth.
I look forward to seeing the Unconventionals via Skype and when they come for visits or we go there. I know it isn't "forever" and I know we will all be okay. It just stings a bit right now. Pop and I moved our girls multiple times as they were growing and put our families and friends through this same type of grief...but it does pass...and reunions are sweet. I trust God with them and I trust them to do what God calls them to do.
I choose to employ my "heavenly thinking" now instead of my flawed earthly thinking. I am grateful to God for the gift of His Son, Jesus that offers us eternal life where there will be no more separation from the ones we love. No more tears when someone leaves. No more worry about how they are. I'm looking forward to that as I deal with the emotion of today.
DW texted to let me know they were enroute and I replied, "You go with God." What a blessing to know that is true. Enjoy Indiana, Unconventionals. Do well. Have fun. We will see you soon, Lord willing.
I love you all.