What Does Adoption Really Mean?

Word definitions fascinate me and when I am curious about a word or topic, I often go to a dictionary to clarify my thoughts.  

Adoption has been on my mind and in my heart because Farm Chick and EJ have now successfully adopted twice (See Farm Chick's posts here: Blessed is Me and Happy Adoption Day).  They were set to adopt one other time when the birth mom chose to parent her precious little one.  (You can read about Baby C here if you like.)

I went to the dictionary as I thought about this post and found the definition of adopt:  to bring a person into a specific relationship, especially to take another's child as one's own child.

As we witnessed Baby D's adoption finalization recently, EJ was called to the stand and asked questions by the lawyer representing them to the judge.  The questions and answers are recorded in court records and help the judge to discern whether or not the adoption should be granted.  One of the questions stands out now in my mind and I paraphrase:  

Do you understand that if this adoption is granted, this child will be entitled to all the rights and privileges of your biological children?

The question might seem strange if you are not familiar with the process of adoption; but the court must clarify that the decision to adopt is a HUGE decision.  

In a perfect world, relationships would last forever once they begin and no one would suddenly decide to stop loving and giving.  I am forever grateful that God has adopted His children forever and that He never changes His mind about us.  

Ephesians 1:3-8 says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, just as he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before him in love. He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will,  to the praise of his glorious grace that he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace that he lavished on us."  And then verses 11-12, "In Christ we have also obtained an inheritance, having been destined according to the purpose of him who accomplishes all things according to his counsel and will, so that we, who were the first to set our hope on Christ, might live for the praise of his glory."

Enjoy a few pictures of Baby D's adoption finalization...he is now ours!

Aunt DW meets Baby D for the first time!
She surprised the family by driving from Indiana to Kansas to celebrate with us!

Sweet Baby D hears from his mommy how things are going to go.

An honorary Auntie has been added for Baby D.
She is also known as Pop's and Grammy's niece and cousin to the four sisters.

Pop and Grammy celebrated Baby D's adoption finalization...he is our 14th grandbaby!!

The Growing Table family as of now - they look so handsome and beautiful!
In February 2014, they are expecting their sixth child...
he is hiding in Farm Chick's tummy until then.  Good stuff.  

Sweet Baby...

Pop and I had the privilege of going to the hospital to meet our fourteenth grandchild recently.  You would think that after thirteen grandchildren we wouldn't be nervous...but we were.  You see, the mother of this precious baby is not our daughter.  Hope had made a decision to give her baby a life she could not provide.  She chose our daughter, Farm Chick and son-in-law, EJ to be the parents of her sweet little boy.  So when Farm Chick called to say that papers had been signed and to ask if we were ready to meet our grandson, we were excited...but nervous.  I tried to lighten the mood by joking about "Pop Bear" driving (with Pop covering his eyes) and texted pictures to EJ and Farm Chick to share the levity.

We had already met Hope but when we saw her this time we would meet her family.  It was becoming real.  We talked as we drove and pondered what emotions we might expect.

When we arrived, we spoke briefly with Farm Chick and EJ (and Pop's niece who just "happens" to work at that hospital); then we went to Hope's room.  The room was dark and quiet...it was furnished with a queen size bed and our new little grandson was snuggled in with his birth mother and grandmother.  They greeted us as Farm Chick introduced us to Hope's mother.  I could hardly breathe.  I was so happy and excited to meet our grandson, but so aware of the great pain Hope and her mother must be feeling.

Hope handed her precious bundle to Pop and we fell in love all over again.

We thanked Hope for this precious gift but words failed us.  How can you possibly thank someone enough for carrying our grandson for nine months and enduring labor and birthing him?  How can words be anywhere near adequate to tell her how grateful we are?

We met more of Hope's family and they were very pleasant to us...very gracious.  We will see Hope and her family again soon.  I know they will be pleased at how this sweet baby boy is growing and how much he is loved by The Growing Table family and their extended family.

I know that God planned it all and carefully orchestrated the whole thing.  I have no doubt that He will lovingly provide Hope with what she needs to heal.  Because EJ and Farm Chick have chosen to have an open adoption, Hope will not have to wonder how her baby is doing...she simply has to text or call to find assurance that he is where he belongs.  His siblings just can't get enough of him and can't pass by him without kissing his sweet little face.

I am struck once again of how much God loves His adopted children and I am grateful to be one.  Thank You, Father, for illustrating Your great love in our lives.

The "Almost" Adoption

We have one adopted grandchild.  A grandson.  Q is an incredible addition to our growing family.  He is adorable, fun, happy, and just makes us smile...and laugh. We cannot imagine life without him.  His adoption by Farm Chick at Heart and EJ has given us much insight into how God feels about us (His adopted kids).  Our lives are richer now than we could have ever imagined.  Before his adoption, I didn't know how I would feel about him.  I was a little nervous that I wouldn't be as attached to him as to our biological grandchildren.  When he came home, all my fears melted into a puddle of quickly evaporating nothingness.  Pop and I were smitten from the beginning with a precious baby boy given to us by God.  What a blessing!

When Farm Chick and EJ received a call on Christmas Eve 2011, we were so excited at the prospect of another adopted grandson!  There were some reservations with the little fellow's mother that they shared with us...things that made us think she might not follow through with her resolve to place him for adoption.  We loved him anyway and anticipated his arrival.  Farm Chick and EJ met Baby C's birth mother and loved on her as God called them to do.  

As with each of our grandchildren, Pop went on a bear hunt to find the perfect "Pop Bear" for Baby C.  He and I looked at about six bears that were all the "same", but anyone who truly looks at teddy bears knows that they each have different faces regardless of the fact that they are all cut and sewn from a single pattern.  We studied each face and chose just the right one...then we waited.

Farm Chick and EJ got another call...Baby C would be remaining with his birth mom.  We felt like God had somehow prepared us ahead of time. In spite of loving him and anticipating his arrival, there was always prayer that God would do what He deemed best and those prayers were answered when the call came.  There was sadness, but there was peace.  There was joy knowing that Baby C's mother loves and wants to do the hard work of parenting him.  I was okay with that...then I caught a glimpse of Baby C's pop bear sitting on my loveseat and fell apart.  I grieved for him, knowing that he would not be a part of our family.  The grief I felt caught me off guard...it was similar to the grief I have felt when our daughters have miscarried early in several of their pregnancies.  It was like a wave that toppled me over for a brief period of time.  I cried...then I found my feet once again on solid ground.  I find solace in knowing that God's plan is infinitely better than any plan I can conjure up.  

I knew that Farm Chick was putting together a box of things to be mailed to Baby C's mother so I asked if she would include Baby C's pop bear with a letter from me.  I thank God for what He is doing in the lives of His beloved children...including me.  I will always remember Baby C and will think of him on his birthday each year.  I pray that God will provide for him and his mommy richly and that He will rain down blessings on them.

--------------------------

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.  

Romans 8:14-16 (NIV) 

Wisdom

Sometimes life is tricky.

Sometimes navigating a semi-open adoption is really tricky.

Sometimes knowing what to do next is overwhelmingly tricky.

I am so grateful that God's word says this...

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

James 1:5

Father, give us wisdom.

Welcome...

Our new place has a beautiful entry. 

We just love the light fixture and the big door.

I purchased this piece of art from the previous owners.  Do you remember that I told you they were an adoptive family?  The Momma painted this verse while they were waiting for their daughter to come home from China.  I wanted it to be in a prominent place while we wait for the rest of our children to come home.

It makes me smile every time I read it.

Adoption

Have you ever looked at www.adoptuskids.org?

I think everyone should look there. 

At least once. 

Once you see their little faces they are real. 

Real children in need of real families. 

I can hardly stand the reality that we have children growing up in the US (or anywhere for that matter) without permanent families.

It breaks my heart.

God is calling EJ and I to adopt more children.  We have known that for a long time.  Last summer we participated in our state's course on adopting from foster care.  It is the course required to foster and/or adopt from the system.  It takes 30 hours of class time as well as homework and home visits. 

For nearly a year, we have been saying to any adoption caseworker who will listen, "WE ARE HERE."  We have put our names in the hat for many different children and sibling sets in several different states.  So far, we have not been selected.

God's timing is perfect and we will continue to trust Him to bring our children home. 

He is preparing our hearts and the hearts of our children to receive them. 

Just the other day, I was looking at the picture of a  little girl in need of a family.  Bubba climbed up in my lap and asked about her.

Bubba: "Mom, does that little girl need a Mommy and Daddy?"

Me: "Yes, she does."

Bubba: "What happened to her Mommy and Daddy?"

Me: "I don't know.  It is sad that they can't take care of her anymore but I think we should pray that God will bring her a new family fast."

Bubba: "Does she need us?"

(Cue the tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat)

Me: "I don't know yet.  Let's pray for her and tell God that if she needs us, we are here and we are ready."

Bubba: "Mom, I would be happy if she was my sister."

When love takes you in

When Love Takes You In is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman.  I think it has been around for a long time but I heard it for the first time on the radio recently.  It is a beautiful song about adoption. 

As we wait and pray for the rest of our children to come home this song touches me deeply.

Here are the words...

I know you’ve heard the stories

But they all sound too good to be true

You’ve heard about a place called home

But there doesn’t seem to be one for you

So one more night you cry yourself to sleep

And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes

A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

When love takes you home and says you belong here

The loneliness ends and a new life begins

When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping

Someone else is dreaming too

Counting down the days until

They hold you close and say I love you

And like the rain that falls into the sea

In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes

A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go

There is nothing that could ever

cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes

A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

When love takes you home and says you belong here

The loneliness ends and a new life begins

When love takes you in it takes you in for good

When love takes you in

As Mother's Day approaches I am so grateful for the sweet boys God has given me.  I look forward with anticipation to the day I meet the ones yet to come.

Super Hero Secret

A few weeks ago an adoption professional came by the house to visit with us.  We asked the boys to clean up their room before her visit.  They were so excited about the whole thing that they did the task lickety-split. 

Right before she arrived, Bubba looked at me seriously and said, "Mom, don't tell her that we are super heroes." 

"Okay, sweetie, I'll keep that to myself." I answered.

(But they sure are cute super heroes aren't they?!?!)

A lotsa kids

As you know, we feel like our family is not yet complete. 

Do you also remember that our oldest child, Bubba, made it clear to us that God was preparing his heart for a new child long before baby Q made his arrival?

For several months we have noticed that Bubba is consistently talking about his future brothers and sisters.  He often starts conversations with, "When my brothers and sisters get here..."

He has been known to announce that, "we are going to have 5 boys and 5 grils." (grils=girls.  I think that is way too cute.  "Grils" will probably be in our family's vocabulary forever now).  I have also heard him say that, "we are going to have too many kids to count...lotsa kids."    

Recently, Bubba got an idea.  "Mom, we are going to clean our room!  Come on Wubba!  Let's go clean our room."  Hmm...I thought that was a little weird.  Soon they emerged, "Mom, come in here and see our room!" 

I headed in there to see a very clean room. 

Bubba: "We cleaned our room so now we can fit more brothers and sisters in here!"

Tears came to my eyes as I hugged my little man.  "I love your heart" I whispered in his ear.

Here they are showing off their clean room.

The other night, as we were tucking the boys into bed, Bubba once again asked us about his future brothers and sisters.  We told him the same thing we always tell him..."just pray about it, sweetie.  God has a plan for our family and we can trust him."

But all the sudden I realized something...Bubba asks us for more brothers and sisters but we don't really talk to the boys about the process.  In fact, before Q's arrival we never mentioned adoption to the boys.  It seemed like an abstract concept at the time.  But now, they are older and they have experienced an adoption. 

So...EJ and I looked into their sweet little eyes and said, "Boys, we want you to know that Mommy and Daddy are doing our part too.  We have prayed about it and asked God for wisdom.  We are filling out the paper work and meeting with the people who can bring more brothers and sisters here."

They both got big smiles and seemed pleased with that answer.

The Christmas card that made me cry

My heart skips a beat any time we get mail from Q's birth mom.  Not only do I rejoice that she is reaching out to us but I know that these notes will help Q put the puzzle together some day.  She loves him and I love her for loving him.  I have been thinking about the Christmas letter and pictures I will send her.  I am going to have to include these photos of Q reading the Christmas card from his birth momma!

What are they looking at?

When I am out and about with Q I tend to get a lot of attention.  EJ thinks it is funny.  He wonders what they are noticing...

Is it the wrap I wear my baby in?

Is it the fact that my baby and I are two different colors?

Could it be the weird bottle my baby drinks from?

Is it all of the above?

I know we look a little strange but we are very friendly.  We often have long chats in various stores with complete strangers who want to know our story.  Or maybe they just want one of my baby wraps.  Or maybe they want to know where to get the bottle.

Q and I don't mind the attention.  We think we are pretty cool when we are out and about together.  Heck, we think we are pretty cool all the time.  Hee Hee.

A family not yet complete

Sometimes I wish I had the ability to read ahead in the story of my life.  Do you know what I mean?  Just a sneak peak to see what is coming next.

I guess that would take all the fun out of it, wouldn't it?

When I was a little girl all I ever wanted to be was a momma.  I adored babies.  I even got kicked out of the church nursery for trying to "help" when I was too young.  Man that hurt my feelings.  How could they not see what a spectacular little momma I could be. 

When EJ and I decided to try for a baby, I can remember the joy and excitement we felt.  We had no idea that things wouldn't go as planned.  The months kept passing us by.  No baby.  After 2 years we still had no baby but what we did have was a lot of sadness.  Man, were we sad.  EJ was still building his career and that kept him busy.  I was working too but it didn't matter.  I was a momma without a baby and it hurt.  I find it hard to describe the feelings that go along with infertility.  It is a deep and personal pain. 

Tests were done, procedures were completed.  We felt like our lives were consumed.  We took a break from treatments for a few months.  During that time, we got the best surprise of our lives.  Little Bubba was on his way.  We were finally pregnant!  We were over the moon for this little miracle that was growing in my tummy.

We held little Bubba in our hands and praised the Lord for the gift of his life!

Just 5 months later, we were shocked to learn I was pregnant again.  We knew the babies would be close but we were okay with that.  After all, we knew every baby was a miracle.  Just 8 weeks into that pregnancy we had to say goodbye.  Our second baby would not be ours here on this earth.  We were so sad but we knew we could trust God with our hearts.

One month after we lost our baby, I had a dream.  In my dream it was clear that I was pregnant.  The next day I took a test and nearly fell over.  I was pregnant.  This time with little Wubba.  As you know, we got to keep him! :)  Once again we rejoiced and praised God!

Wubba is 3 1/2 years old.  Since his birth God has not given us another pregnancy.  What he has given us is a broken heart for orphans. 

We were always moved by stories of adoption.  At one point we thought adoption would be the only way we would become a family.  When time passed with no pregnancy after Wubba we started to wonder if God was telling us it was time to add a baby through adoption.  We started the process and then we waited.  When our little Q was born we could not believe God would give us this incredible gift!

We knew the moment we held Q in our arms that we would adopt again.  It is hard to explain.  Not everyone is called to adopt.  Not everyone knows what it feels like to know in your heart that God has other children out there for you.

So here we are.  A family not yet complete.  It is a weird feeling to know that we have children missing from the picture.  They will come, in His time.  If there is one thing I have learned in our family building years it is that I can trust Him.  His plan is perfect.

Stay tuned.

It is finished

On April 26th, 2010 our entire family (minus Doc who was out of town on business) gathered to watch our sweet baby Q's adoption become finalized.  It was such a blessing to have our family witness this moment.

On the courtroom steps it all became too much...

The Lord called us to adopt.  He planted the seed in our hearts many years ago.  The gift we have been given is bigger than words.  I don't know why he chose us but I do know I will be forever grateful.

He's MINE.

Sweet Baby Q got sick with RSV last week.  RSV is a cold that is dangerous for little ones.  We tried to treat him at home with breathing treatments and a humidifier.  Our efforts just weren't cutting it.  My mommy insticts said that he needed to go back to the Dr. on Friday.  I was tired of seeing my baby struggle for each breath.  My insticts were right and Q was quickly admitted to the hospital.  He was suctioned (babies don't know how to blow their nose) and given breathing treatments every four hours.  He was also put on oxygen and had an oxygen saturation monitor on his foot the whole time we were there.  The staff was fantastic and we were grateful for their care of Q.  It is scary when your baby is sick and we felt that they did a good job of answering our questions.  They were compassionate with our little man.  In fact, I heard him called, "pooh" and "peanut" and "sweet baby" pretty often.  I think he won over their hearts.  He can't help himself.  He is so darn precious!

Praise God our stay was short.  We were able to come home after 24 hours.  The Dr. felt we could manage his condition from home.  There truly is "no place like home."

 

This experience with Q was interesting to say the least.  I was asked, "How are you related to this little guy?" more than once when we were going through the intake process.  This question took me by surprise.  I am well aware that Q and I do not share the same color of skin or hair or eyes but HE IS MINE.  He is just as much mine as his two big brothers who grew in my tummy or the little one I only got to grow for 8 weeks but will some day meet in heaven.  God does something amazing when he pairs together a momma who needs a baby and a baby who needs a momma.  He grows something special in both their hearts.  I can't explain it.  You would have to experience it. 

So "How am I related to this little one?"  I am his mommy.  I am the one who was sick with worry over every cough.  I am the one who never left his side at the hospital.  I am the one who held him down so he could be suctioned even though it made me want to cry as loud as he was.  I am the one who moved machines around so I could stretch his cords and tubes all the way to my bed in order to hold him in my arms all night.  I am the one who whispered prayers in his ears and told him it was all going to be alright.  I am the one who was chosen...by God and by his birth mother to be his mommy.

Yes, I am Q's mommy.  His passionately-protective, sleep-deprived, crazy-haired and insanly happy Mommy.  I love you Q and I am so proud to be your mom. 

Blessed is me

Four Sisters Farm is proud to announce the birth of cowboy number 3! Little Q made his way into the world January 15th at 3:15pm. He weighed in at 6lbs 8oz and 19 inches long. His arrival was a whirlwind for our family and we could not be more thrilled! EJ and I have been praying for more children through birth or adoption. God answered in a big way!

We were honored to be chosen by his birth mother. She has given us the most incredible gift and we will forever be grateful to her. We had the opportunity to spend several days getting to know her. The video and photos will be an important piece of the puzzle for Q as he grows up. The time with her was priceless.

Q is such a sweet baby. He is so loved by our whole family. We just can't stop praising God for his life!

Psalm 139:13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

On Monday, January 11th, we got THE CALL.  We had been chosen!  Thursday, the 14th we traveled to meet Q's birth mom.  We stayed over in order to go to a Dr. appt with her the next day.  At that appt they decided to induce labor.  That means we went from finding out we were having a baby to having him in our arms in 5 days.  Now that is fast!!! 

You won't see pictures of Q's mom because I want to protect her privacy.  In my excitement, I want to share photos.  I have a deep love for her!  I wish you could look into those beautiful eyes and see the love she has for Q...but...I won't.  Unless someday I get permission.  We hope to stay in contact with her through the years. 

EJ and I have prayed that adoption would be a part of our family's heritage for a long time.  For a period of time, early in our marriage, we thought perhaps adoption would be the only way our family would be created.  God surprised us with Bubba and Wubba.  We were overjoyed!  The desire to adopt didn't go away.  We have prayed for guidance in this area.  We have asked the Lord to go before us and show us when, where and how he would add to our family.

In August of 2009 we decided to put our paperwork in.  In some ways we just "re-applied" after five years of having an inactive file.  In September, we delivered our profile and then waited.  We waited and prayed that God would give us a heart for our little one's birth family.  That he would change their lives and ours for the better.  That he would prepare the new baby for us and us for him.

While we prayed for our little one, God gave us verses that comforted us. 

He gave EJ this one...

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

He gave me this one...

Luke 1:45
Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

When I held Q in my arms for the first time I recited my verse into the video camera and then I said..."Blessed is me!"

God prepared the hearts of our older boys.  He started this about a year or so ago.  Bubba was always asking me for a baby.  He knew he and Wubba grew in my tummy yet every time he asked about a new baby it sounded like he was talking about adoption.

My favorite conversation went like this...
Bubba, "Mom, do you want a new baby?"
Me, "Yes, I sure do.  We will have to pray and ask God for one."
Bubba, "Mom, I'm going to ride my bike to Jesus and get a baby.  Then I will ride my bike home and give the baby to you." 
Then he looked into my eyes and touched my arm and said, "You do want a baby right?"
As if to say, "If I am going to ride my bike all the way to Jesus, you better be serious!"

The day we got the initial call about Q, Bubba came to me with a request.  Now, keep in mind, I hadn't received the call yet.  He insisted that we needed to pray for our baby RIGHT NOW.  We bowed our heads and we prayed.  Not much later, I got the call.

God is so good!

I will close for now and go back to enjoying the baby boy who is sleeping on my chest.