Sometimes I wish I had the ability to read ahead in the story of my life. Do you know what I mean? Just a sneak peak to see what is coming next.
I guess that would take all the fun out of it, wouldn't it?
When I was a little girl all I ever wanted to be was a momma. I adored babies. I even got kicked out of the church nursery for trying to "help" when I was too young. Man that hurt my feelings. How could they not see what a spectacular little momma I could be.
When EJ and I decided to try for a baby, I can remember the joy and excitement we felt. We had no idea that things wouldn't go as planned. The months kept passing us by. No baby. After 2 years we still had no baby but what we did have was a lot of sadness. Man, were we sad. EJ was still building his career and that kept him busy. I was working too but it didn't matter. I was a momma without a baby and it hurt. I find it hard to describe the feelings that go along with infertility. It is a deep and personal pain.
Tests were done, procedures were completed. We felt like our lives were consumed. We took a break from treatments for a few months. During that time, we got the best surprise of our lives. Little Bubba was on his way. We were finally pregnant! We were over the moon for this little miracle that was growing in my tummy.
We held little Bubba in our hands and praised the Lord for the gift of his life!
Just 5 months later, we were shocked to learn I was pregnant again. We knew the babies would be close but we were okay with that. After all, we knew every baby was a miracle. Just 8 weeks into that pregnancy we had to say goodbye. Our second baby would not be ours here on this earth. We were so sad but we knew we could trust God with our hearts.
One month after we lost our baby, I had a dream. In my dream it was clear that I was pregnant. The next day I took a test and nearly fell over. I was pregnant. This time with little Wubba. As you know, we got to keep him! :) Once again we rejoiced and praised God!
Wubba is 3 1/2 years old. Since his birth God has not given us another pregnancy. What he has given us is a broken heart for orphans.
We were always moved by stories of adoption. At one point we thought adoption would be the only way we would become a family. When time passed with no pregnancy after Wubba we started to wonder if God was telling us it was time to add a baby through adoption. We started the process and then we waited. When our little Q was born we could not believe God would give us this incredible gift!
We knew the moment we held Q in our arms that we would adopt again. It is hard to explain. Not everyone is called to adopt. Not everyone knows what it feels like to know in your heart that God has other children out there for you.
So here we are. A family not yet complete. It is a weird feeling to know that we have children missing from the picture. They will come, in His time. If there is one thing I have learned in our family building years it is that I can trust Him. His plan is perfect.