Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Confessions of a local IDIOT

Ok, so here's the deal I know that most people don't like to share their short comings and stupidity. Well for the sake of a good laugh I'll be sharing my recent funny situation.

I know that you all think that I'm perfect, however I'm not! I know, I know, you're all shocked! But I recently got a speeding ticket in our small town. The cop told me that the easiest way for me to pay was NOT on the Internet (because they'd charge a use-fee), but to just go to the municipal court and pay the clerk (the court is in the police department). So Good little citizen me, EJ, went to the police department and had my check to pay my restitution in hand. I went to the window in which I thought I was to pay and slid my check across the desk. She quickly told me that the court was down the hall. So I went down the hall, and after searching like a fool for 5 minutes and asking a second time where it was I finally found it. Went to the door and read all the signs which read:

"Please turn all cell phones off or on vibrate"
"DO NOT approach the bench/judge while court is in session unless you're called on."
"Sign-in with name, address, phone number and you'll be called on."

So dutiful me, I signed in and filled in the necessary columns.

I surveyed the room and found that there was about 20 people waiting in chairs facing the "bench" where the judge, clerk, and and officer were HOLDING COURT!


Most of these people waiting had NOT had a shower in the last week. I was the only one who was wearing anything that was clean let alone resembling nice (other than the judge, clerk and officer).

So I took a seat in the back; feeling quite out of place listening to the charges that were being brought against these people. Here's a short list of them:
* procession of drug paraphernalia
* contempt of court


So when the officer came back to pick up the sign-in sheet that my name was on, which of course would mean that I would soon be up. At this point, not really looking forward to standing up in front of everyone to just say, "I was speeding and here's my money..." So I quickly went over to the officer and whispered, "I just have a speeding ticket that I need to pay, is this REALLY where I need to be to pay?" Perplexed and thinking surely I can't be in the right place!??!! He took pity on me and said to follow him to the desk to pay the bill. At this point, I'm thinking that the lady who sent me to this place at the first window I was at was wrong and we were going back there for me to pay (or so I was hoping). So I stepped out the door and held it open for him, to which he just pointed for me to follow him , then I realized, UP TO THE FRONT where the judge and clerk were. Great!

So I followed. Trying to be as small as possible, as the judge was talking to a defendant not more than 5-6 feet away from me. I had given the officer my payment and ticket and he was processing the payment. For me NOT FAST ENOUGH, nothing would have been fast enough. It seemed like an eternity and that all the eyes in the room were on me. All that I could think was about the second sign I read about NOT approaching the bench unless the judge called on me. Well after the judge was done with that defendant, he looked right at me; at least I think he did, because he was severely cross eyed it made it difficult to tell if he was looking at me or the clerk. He said "...can I help you?" Again, trying to be a fly on the wall, I quickly and quietly responded, "oh sorry, no uh..." and just pointed to the officer that was filled out my receipt (in hindsight I don't know why I would have thought that he would have known that I was pointing or where I was pointing). Content with that answer he went back to his work and the officer was done. I grabbed my receipt and RAN (NOT like I stole something, but swiftly) out of the court.

So the lesson learned here should be to NOT SPEED AGAIN...or not pay speeding tickets in that way again. HOW AWKWARD.


  1. That's funny!! I just paid mine in the same building as where you pay your city bill. They weren't friendly either if that makes you feel better. I guess people don't appreciate other people speeding down their city streets. Imagine that?!

  2. I think paying extra for going online would be worth it! Yikes! Good story though :)

  3. Thanks for the laugh. You have such a great sense of humor - you should write a book!

  4. So...EJ...will this be experience start you on a law-abiding, speed limit observing sort of path?